


Dear Felix,

by pure_nostalgia



Category: Jacksepticeye RPF, Markiplier RPF, Septiplier - Fandom, Youtube RPF
Genre: Fluff, Friends to Lovers, From Mark's perspective, I can't give too much away tho ahhh, Letter, Light Smut mentioned, M/M, Markiplier - Freeform, Memory, Mystery, Plot Twists, Recollecting, Romance, Writing about his relationship and time with Jack, jacksepticeye - Freeform, pewdiepie - Freeform, slow-ish build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-26
Updated: 2016-07-26
Packaged: 2018-07-18 06:57:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7304203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pure_nostalgia/pseuds/pure_nostalgia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mark writes letters to Felix about the time he has spent with and known Jack, recounting it from the very beginning to the more intimate details that not many people knew about.<br/>(There's a reason for the letters that is revealed later on, and I promise it's better than it sounds, just bear with it please :3)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. This was the hardest thing to began writing.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm really excited to begin this! I actually got this idea while riding on a bus awhile ago and I had a lot of time to think and brainstorm, and somehow this popped into my head. I hope you guys enjoy this because I really enjoy writing this and have big plans for it!! :D
> 
> And don't forget that this all written from Mark's POV :)
> 
> P.S.~ all chapter titles are meant to be a continuation of the title, so they're the first sentence of each letter. (Since each chapter is a different letter). So for example, this chapter is called "this was the hardest thing to began writing." So it's meant to be read as the first sentence of the letter itself, like "Dear Felix, this was the hardest thing to began writing." I hope I explained that well enough XD

To be perfectly honest with you, I'm really not sure how to start this. Although, I suppose there is no proper way to began something like this.  
It is to my understanding that this is supposed to be a formal kind of thing; however, as you know I am not someone who particularly enjoys being proper most of the time, and being the big doof that I am, it feels a bit more comfortable to write this as if I was just having a conversation with you. As a result, this will probably end up as some odd mix in between the two. I will do my best to keep this as "appropriate" as possible, but do keep in mind this is an awfully personal subject to me, Felix, so I may have to...deviate from formalities every once in a while. With all that has happened recently, I hope you will excuse it and understand.

I also apologize for my negligence to write these and get them to you sooner. I think I have written this exact letter and discarded it two times. Perhaps three if I do not like this version, but I will try to express my thoughts correctly this time. But hey, they say the third time's a charm. I think I will just send this one even if I don't like it, I'm sick of writing this over and over and I will never be satisfied with it at this point. So, without further adieu, here goes nothing.

Okay, so, I guess the first thing I should do is address my credibility on the subject. 

While there are many people concerned at the moment, there are also many people wondering who he was. In the most simplistic of terms, Sean Mcloughlin was a lot of things. To most people, he was a loud, Irish, green-haired YouTube gamer who had dedicated his life to bringing joy to others. He was someone who people went to in times of sadness to get cheered up, times of boredom to be entertained, or times of happiness for even more smiles.  
However...not too many people knew Sean Mcloughlin. I mean to say that very few really knew him, had knowledge of the small details about him that truly made him who he was. 

Not like I did.  

I came to know Sean, well, Jack as most know him, over the course of many years.  And while there are still many mysteries surrounding his life that I myself don't know and may as well never know, I believe I can say that during these past few years I've been closer to him than most. By those standards, I think my information can be found to be reliable. 

But alas, I guess taking my word for it does not quite suffice in times such as these, so let's start from the beginning. What better place to start, right?

As you know, it all started some years ago, when I first noticed his channel. He had become popular pretty quickly after you had given him that shout-out, and he continued to pick up momentum. I don't even remember how I came across his channel for the first time, but somehow before I knew it I ended up watching and really enjoying his videos. You should take a look at them again when you get the chance. The older stuff; well, or the newer uploads, they're all just as genuine and sincere. Anyway, I tweeted at him, shortly before you did. I mean, he seemed to be an interesting and cool guy, and in this great big YouTube community we all have to stick together and try to make friends, right? Oh, but I'm sure you know that better than anyone, Mr. Number-One-On-YouTube. I guess we both had a similar idea when we came across Jack, just that he was someone who definitely had potential. And as it turned out, he had been a big fan of mine for awhile before that. In fact, he later told me that I was the reason he started YouTube and went on about how I inspired him. Can you believe that? Inspiring people and my community was one thing, but knowing that I inspired Jack felt...other-worldly, for lack of a better word. 

But I'll get into that feeling in another letter.

So we got to talking, and that's how I met him. Of course, there's a lot in-between I have to fill you in on. From that time to the present a lot unfolded between us, and I got to know the real Sean/Jack Mcloughlin. While he's always been genuine in his videos and in his work, there's definitely much more to him than meets the screen. And that Jack? Well, that was the Jack I came to know. 

Perhaps a little bit too well. 

Get ready for an onslaught of letters, because there's a lot to tell.

 

Your friend,

Mark Fischbach 


	2. I think there are some things I need to clarify.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Along with talking about meeting Jack for the first time, Mark reveals a secret about himself for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm working on this every now and then in-between chapters on You Look Like the Rest of My Life. I think this one is bit more "foreshadowy" for lack of a better word. It's a bit more serious, but I like it! I hope you guys do too :)

First of all, I think it is safe to say that I didn't really start getting to know Jack until he came L.A. 

Let me tell you, actually meeting him in person differed greatly than what I had previously imagined it would be like. It threw me for a loop.  
I am sure that everyone realizes by now that meeting a YouTuber in person is always a bit different than what you would expect them to be like from their videos. A person's YouTube personality tends to be a bit of an...exaggerated persona. It's still them, they are still true to themselves, but it has a tendency to be more of a hyperbole of their character, if you will. Of course, you already know this, Felix, but this is what truly threw me off about Jack.

Because while he wasn't quite as loud, I'll admit, Jack was basically the same man I had come to know online. I mean, if we're being honest here, you were pretty similar in person, too. But something about Jack in particular had struck me as odd. Even in person, I noticed that he maintained that child-like giddiness and wide-eyed fascination that originally drew me to his videos.

You see, I think I've always been drawn to people like that, and I'd like to think that's because that's part of who I am, too. Just because we're apparently "adults" doesn't necessarily mean that we have to stop having the same wonder and curiosity that children have, right? Hell, I still feel like a kid most of the time. Although I think my viewers have come to know that pretty well.

Anyway, I had been prepared to get to know this person. I was ready to toss out any preconceived notions I had made about his character from his videos and get to know him for who he really was. However, to my surprise, I didn't really have to. Upon first meeting him, Jack retained those same bright-eyed and bushy-tailed characteristics that you'd imagine him to have.  
My first thought was that he was just so damn smiley. I'd see him smile and couldn't help but feel a grin spread across my own face. It was just so contagious, I don't think I can express that enough.

Before I knew it, I found myself really enjoying the times I was with him...almost to the point where it scared me. Never before had I met someone that I bonded with so quickly before, that I connected with on so many levels in such a brief period of time. And that frightened me.

Don't get me wrong, I was overjoyed and amazed and astounded and all of those other wonderful emotions that come along with meeting a person like that; a person who thought so much like me, and yet differed in such a way that created a seemingly perfect balance. We had the same sense of immature humor, had the same interests, and had similar opinions on things. And to think, this person had already known me, admired me even, before I even knew he existed. That thought still makes me feel weird. He just seemed like a person that I was met to meet.

He was so compelling.

So when he needed a place to stay on one of his trips to L.A., I immediately suggested that he could stay with me. I didn't think much of it at the time.

I think right here is where I need to interject a fact about myself. I know that once these are made public, which they'll have to be eventually due to recent events, this little piece of information will be available to everyone. However, I think that's okay. It's time to stop hiding, anyway. Some people might think of me differently, even you might think of me differently, Felix. But if this is to continue, it needs to be said.

I, Mark Fischbach, am bisexual. 

There. It's now out there, no going back.

That felt surprisingly good to admit.

Quite frankly, I really don't know what else to say about it. This isn't supposed to be about me, so I don't think I'll expand on it much. Nevertheless, it needed to be included because some later circumstances involving Jack might get...confusing, if I hadn't told you that outright.

You'll have to apologize to the police on my behalf for the moderate informalities. As I hope they'll understand, there's no proper etiquette to saying that.

 

Your friend, 

Mark Fischbach

 


	3. Well, those weren't quite the responses I was going for.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark responds to the suspicion that has been raised about him and admits feelings toward Jack.

Given the wide range of reactions that were provoked from the previous letter, I believe that they have only further raised their suspicions about me. Which I can only continue to deny, of course, but that does no good without the facts. The loved ones are always suspects, aren't they? Or the supposed love ones, rather. Although perhaps the fact that I've been in freaking America amidst the whole event might be tip enough, or along with the video I even made on my own accord about it- why would I make that if I was guilty?- and, ugh, it's not worth it. They won't buy it, anyway, seeing as their methods are so great and all.

Yes, that was sarcasm. Unprofessional? Yes. Incorrect? No.  
Be sure to give the chief my most unpleasant regards. 

Of course it does not help my case any, but ah well. 

Anyway, as I am sure you can conclude where this is heading from my last letter, Felix, certain things...developed. Oh, well actually, I am getting quite ahead of myself. Allow me to backtrack.

So, in continuation from the last letter, I had invited Jack to stay with me. I didn't think it was a big deal. We could hang out, play some video games, maybe record some collabs, or maybe I could show him around the city. And to my joyous surprise, he eagerly agreed.   
Plans were set into motion, and before I knew it Sean was at my place. It was...quite peculiar to see him there. Do you know what I mean? It's always odd when you see someone in a setting that you've never seen them in before. Especially when it's a familiar, intimate setting, such as one's own abode. 

He seemed out of place. But he certainly didn't seem to think so. In fact, it appeared that he felt quite the opposite. Jack had no problem making himself perfectly at home and...welcoming himself to my things. I think some would describe him as just a bit snoopy for the way he constantly pointed things out and asked what they were. I never thought so, though. I always found his curiosity endearing. 

He never touched what wasn't his or anything like that, he was just inquisitive. I would see him constantly looking around my house, almost as if he was trying to memorize each little insignificant detail. I remember that it wasn't until he had been there for a few days that he commented, "You have a nice place." I couldn't help but smile at that; not because it was a compliment, but more because of the fact that it seemed he had taken all this time to soak up every detail just to come to such a...plain conclusion. It seemed silly, and just so...anti-climactic. 

I think that's why I grew a little attached to Jack at that time. He was the first person that I had met in a long time that I just could not read. His way of thinking was so different from my own. I couldn't understand him, I could never guess what he was thinking, and I never had a clue what he was going to say next. He was an enigma. But damn, do I love a good puzzle.

 

You should know that at this point I hadn't entirely...come to terms with my bisexuality. I mean, I had thought about it, I hadn't completely "cast out" the idea, I just...tried not to give it too much thought. So when I started experiencing some feelings that I was not expecting toward our dear Irish friend, I was...confused. Nervous. Uncomfortable.  
Scared.

I had given men plenty of thought, but I hadn't ever...well, had a crush on one before. God, that seems like such a childish thing to say. A crush. Hah. Sorry, I know this is all a serious matter, but I don't think I've used that word since the eighth grade. How odd. 

But I suppose that there is no other way to phrase it, so here we are. 

Thankfully for me, it later unfolded that Jack seemed to like men, too.   
Let's save that for next time, though.

 

On a sidenote, I do have to say that I am worried about your perception of all this, Felix. You know me, right? I'm still Mark Fischbach, that lovable doof you've always known. I know this has changed things, and it doesn't look good, but I do genuinely hope that you trust me here. I know it all looks bad, but please, don't let it all get to your head. 

Wade, Bob, Matt, Ryan- they all don't trust me now. They try to, they try to be my friend, but I can just feel the skepticism radiating from them- they're practically admitting it without actually saying it! The atmosphere is way too tense around all of us now. I can tell that they don't want to believe it, but they're still suspicious...it's so painfully obvious.   
I guess...I can't say that I blame them. I suppose they have every right to be.

Or perhaps I'm just going crazy.  Maybe I'm simply imagining it, maybe they're not skeptical at all. Or perhaps they actually are. How am I supposed to tell? Would I even know? Do they trust me? I'm not all that sure that they do. 

It would seem that you're the only one I have left. If I even have that.

I'll write to you soon.

And Felix? Hold Marzia close to you. Don't let her go. 

 

Your friend(?),

Mark Fischbach 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope ya'll are liking this so far, I'm pretty proud of it tbh :)


End file.
